We All Dream Alone

5.31.2006


I really felt like ranting, and was irritated that i didn't really have anyone to rant at/with, then i remembered, duh, i have a blog (that isn't television-related).

i work for an enormous company. that's probably not even a big enough word to describe it... and they stock TONS of junk food. TONS of it. there are nine people in my department. our allotment of crap (every other week or so) is fucking ridiculous. here's what we got last time:

2 boxes containing 36 individually wrapped nabisco variety packs each. chips ahoy, nutter butters, teddy grahams, cheese nips, and oreos.
1 58oz MEGASIZE box of goldfish, 3 huge ass bags of 'em
2 52oz bags of m&m's - probably at least a million of the fuckers in there
80 rice krispy treats
a big container of red vines - fucking ghetto twizzlers.

there's actually even more crap than this, but i think you get the point. keep in mind there are nine, NINE, people in my department. there are probably about 150 people working in my office, and each department gets a fuckload of this shit. i mean, are we fucking 11 year olds or something? (i admit that i do love them goldfish, though)
each department has a huge overflow of the junk they don't eat. we've accumulated 2 huge boxes with bags of teddy grahams and oreos that no one wants. we also have a candy machine, so if you're a fat fuck that's eaten all the shit you got for free, and you still really really really need some sugar, you can plop down seventy-five cents for your fix. crappy fountain sodas for free, too.

every thursday we get a shipment of fresh fruit. twenty fucking pieces on a good day (and i'm counting individual grapes on a vine). it goes within 5 minutes, so obviously people like the stuff.

i could complain to management, i guess, but i wouldn't be able to fucking swear as much as i am while writing this, so fuck it, this is more fun. i've sent a couple emails to HR asking about it, but no responses.

i don't really have much of a point, as this is just a fucking rant, but don't you think that maybe the money the company has to sink into healthcare costs might be a little less if they switched to fruit altogether? all the work done here is done while sitting motionless, excepting your fingers and eyeballs. the only exercise gotten is by getting up to find some of the shit junk food.
why not just give us all high fructose corn syrup IV drips? that way we'd be even more productive, never having to leave our cubes but to shit and piss.

i know, i don't have to eat the shit, and i generally don't - except for the aformentioned goldfish, and the occasional rice krispy treat. but shit, they provide us with this stuff for free, which is great, but it's all shit food that is horrible for you, which isn't so great. wouldn't it make more sense to provide your workers with food that would keep them healthier, and not lead to obesity and health problems?

i dunno. just felt like ranting about it. i was hungry and really wanted an apple, but i'm sitting here eating a mini mr. goodbar instead.




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