silly cybin, tricks are for kids!

reading jeffs post eariler got me to thinking. i hate it when that happens.

(warning:the following post is a rumination on a drug experience. could be as lame as a post about dreams.)

most people, whether they know what the hell they're talking about or not, call marijuana the "gateway" drug. ~ i hear the cow in those commercials takes offense at this, as he prefers an eight ball, himself. ~ however, my first experience with drugs, other than contact highs which opened no gates for me, was with mushrooms.

growing up, my group of friends and i were, take your pick, metalheads. or headbangers. or hicks. contrary to adult belief at the time, we were (for the most part) pretty damn straightedge. it was the football players and cheerleaders that were getting fucked up on the weekends, while we were playing satanic music and dungeons and dragons. it makes me misty just thinking about it. my point here being, i didn't even really drink until i was 21 or so. there are a few reasons for this that i won't get into here.

fast forward to my early 20s, and it's new years eve. a friend of mine is just hanging in and he's gonna do some shrooms, which is sort of a tradition for him. it is, after all, safer to stay in on amateur night. so i figure, you know, what the fuck? i'm an adult now, it's not peer pressure, it's not to get back at my parents, it's not to escape the hell that is my very existence, it's just me, wanting to see what the shit is all about. so i said fuck you nancy reagan, and put the nasty-tasting-little-dried-up-piece-of-shit-looking things in my mouth, chewed, gagged, and drank a lot of OJ to wash it down.

about an hour later i was glad that i had never done this in high school, as i obviously wouldn never have graduated. auditory and visual hallucinations aside, i got going on the very meaning of life itself. here's what i came up with at the time. (and i still stick with some of these theories)

the universe was certainly created by something or someone, it's not just here by accident. said someone, or something, created the earth for a reason. we evolved from the muck to work toward a common goal for the higher being. already we come across the main flaw in my theory. what was the common goal? light without heat? it's beside the point though...

here we are, going about working toward this common goal. mortality is not something to be feared, because you know that when you die, your energy is passed on to the next person in line, and he (or she) is going to be working toward the same goal, so your life has purpose and meaning. everything is hunky dory in this world full of people in white lab coats, working dilligently to achive the common goal for their creator. then one day someone shows up to work in a black shirt, and shouts, "but what about individuality?"

gears grind to a halt, conveyor belts stop conveying, dozens of pairs of thick horn rimmed glasses fog up, and, as the creator leaves us forever, hoping to actually complete this goddamned experiment somewhere else, the entire world hears a tiny mouse let loose a fart.

this, to me, explains two things that i had previously not understood. one, that we were created for a reason, although that reason no longer exists, and two, faith. people today are still brought to life by the same energy that brought people to life when we were working toward that previously attainable common goal. it then stands to reason that they have somewhere a memory that, once upon a time, everyone was here for a reason, and they spend their lives struggling to understand what it was, or is. so they put their faith in a god above, and they fill the void that was the common goal with any one of the thousands of religious beliefs available to them. they are then comforted by the belief that they will go to a better place when they die, but the truth is, the thought of that better place is just the buried memory of knowing that your energy was being passed to the next generation working toward the common goal. that goal exists no more and god is dead to us, and we to him.

to be truly happy in this life, you need to embrace your individuality like the guy in the black shirt did, cause really, thats all there is.

i'm not as cynical as all this would seem to make me out to be, really. it looks kind of harsh actually reading it. i don't begrudge anyone their faith, if what they believe in makes them feel better in some way, then so be it.

i'm gonna try and be an individual though.




posted by scott 9:05 AM